I Need Stability : Why Tết Was Meh

I hate people who complain too much, but the problem is I am totally that person. When I’ve had enough of something you can guarantee everyone around me will be made aware of it, especially when my limits have been tested. These past two weeks we didn’t have any school because of the Tết Holiday, and although it was nice to get away from all the homework for a while, our little vacation didn’t exactly go as expected.

Our first week was spent at Củ Chi, and although it’s a beautiful place to relax and chill out, one can only do that for so many days before watching T.V. shows and walking around gets a little boring. It was difficult to wake up each morning and know the day would be spent doing exactly what I had done the past four days. This consisted of eating, watching YouTube videos and trying to read a very boring book. One day we even drove four hours to pick up some pigs for dinner, and guess what, we didn’t come back with any goddamn pigs. As a person who gets car sick quite easily, being crammed into a tiny van all day long was not enjoyable by any means. To make our stay at Củ Chi any better, I got sick! For about four days I was stuck in bed with one of the worst migraines I have ever had and a completely sore and stiff body. I have no idea what made me so sick, but when I started to get red hives all over my skin the only thing I could think about was malaria (don’t worry, no mosquito borne illness here). I was hot, sick and sweaty and completely miserable, and you can bet everyone I encountered knew about it. For the first time since I got to Vietnam, I was homesick. I hate being homesick. I was uncomfortable in almost every way imaginable, and I felt like shit about that because I knew that my “suffering” was absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. God answered my prayers when I learned we would be traveling to Đà Nẵng for the rest of our holiday, and I honestly could not have been happier. I was ready to get the hell out of Củ Chi. 

Our time in Đà Nẵng was much better then Củ Chi. We stayed with two students from school and spent almost everyday relaxing by the pool or just chilling inside watching the Discovery Channel.  We saw lots of temples, visited the ancient city of Hội An, saw some friends from APU, painted pottery at a Lotte Mart, and even had another adventure with Ms. Stephanie on our way to Baskin Robbins (let’s just say Vietnamese drivers like to get all up in yo face when they ask you where you’re going). All in all, Đà Nẵng was by far the best part of my Tết Holiday, but looking back on the entire trip I don’t feel any sense of enticement or even happiness. I feel meh.

Listen, this is hard to explain because I’m not even sure how I feel. Tết was supposed to be a time to relax and get important work done, aka Geometry, but instead Isabel and I felt like we were being dragged all over the freaking place. However, here’s no way we could have complained, which as you know was very difficult for me. Everywhere we went, everything we did was paid for by Dr. Binh, so how could we go up to her and say “No, we don’t wanna do that!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for everything this woman has done for us, but it’s difficult when you have absolutely no say in what you get to do each day. Sometimes I like just going with the flow of things but I also enjoy making my own decisions. I’m a big girl, let me live.

In the end, Tết has taught me something very important about myself : I need stability. I’m constantly needing a space where I can get shit done, a reliable area where I can work, be creative, anything! I learned that I need a place to call home, whether it be my actual house back in Maine or my little dorm room in Ho Chi Minh City. For two weeks I didn’t have that and I almost went insane. Before this holiday I had no idea just how much I love and appreciate my new home in Vietnam,and I am just now beginning to realize how much I will miss it when I leave for good.

Lara

March 5, 2015

P.S. Isabel and I did do one fun thing in Củ Chi, and that was sneaking up to the roof of an unfinished building to watch an amazing sunset. It was pretty bad ass.